alone again.

You have exited quite the tumultuous relationship. You ended it, they ended it, or maybe it was even “mutual.” I placed the latter in quotes for my fellow aloof and possibly prideful, humans. You are grief-stricken, baffled, and overtly melancholy. Insomnia assumes form of your number one adversary. You are truly puzzled about the relationship’s demise, despite the obvious signs. You opted not to see those signs.

The relationship was hardly ideal. It lasted a lot longer than it should have. You allowed a few of their idiosyncrasies to obfuscate their exceptionally shitty behaviors. Regardless, here you are in your haze of self-pity, permitting the memories of the truly ‘wonderful moments’ to jade your perception of what actually was. Basically, you drive yourself bananas. I get it.

Time passes. Now, you let those dreadful times sink in. This is good: “Hey, wait a minute, THAT was super shitty. That, too! THAT, TOO. Hey, that was actually a little abnormal, borderline psychotic. Is there something I do not know? <Googles ‘signs of a sociopath’>. No matter what I may have done, I did not deserve that. Nope. What the hell? When did all of this toxicity come pouring in? How did I unrecognizably loosen my boundaries so wide, that it got to the point of utter chaos? Chaos… every. damn. day. How did I end up here again? Seriously.”

As the recently infamous cyber quote suggests, “what you allow is what will continue.”

You would have done anything to keep the relationship afloat, but now you are not so sure. You settled for less. You had no self-worth, or too little, and still quietly craved validation via another human being. You did not value yourself enough to acknowledge those initial red flags. Now, here you are alone. The ex-mate is probably out living their life, dating, and seems to care less than you do. You are probably still feeling little disappointments, even though there is no present relationship to truly derive these feelings from. Why are you doing this to yourself? The ties are severed. Move on. Let go.

Serial monogamist-ish note: It is not easy to be alone; especially the older we get. Always be aware of those magical people that seem to mysteriously pop up shortly after a breakup. I swear, it is a thing. If you have a history of repeated toxic relationships, do not be so quick to jump in something new. Fix you. Nobody can save you but yourself. Who wants to waste another few years, when you had the tools all along to make it right the next time? So… you go enjoy that time alone.

Use this period of enlightenment to soul search. Create a life for yourself, on your terms. Do what you really want to do. Be a little selfish. Go to that place you have always wanted to go, go smash that goal that has been years in the making. It is your opportunity to shine. Awesome stuff will follow all of this. Believe it.

Xo,

Lisa <3